everything on the net is saying I should be using zfs is this correct for media server.
ZFS has many advantages over most other filesystems, and specifically over btrfs, which is what's used by Rockstor. It's a topic which has generated a bit of
discussion recently. However, ZFS has some drawbacks, and one of them is that you must plan your storage a bit more carefully, as you can't do things like changing among RAID levels or easily changing the size of RAID sets. If you want to continue using RAID 10/striped mirrors, you can expand that quite easily over time by adding pairs of disks, but you won't be able to do things like turning a three-disk RAIDZ1 pool into a four-disk RAIDZ1 pool.
Your RAM requirements really aren't going to vary depending on what pool configuration you choose (i.e., striped mirrors vs. RAIDZ1 vs. RAIDZ2), but more with your workload. But for your stated use case, 32 GB should be plenty to cover your storage and run Plex.